Behind The Scenes

We recently did our fall photo shoot! This is always such a stressful situation for me because I have to worry about outfits, making sure we have a plethora of snacks and everyone is cooperating…including the husband.

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I found an AMAZING photographer who is equal parts adorable as talented. She shows up 9 months pregnant and throws her one year old on her back and gets to town! I’m impressed, to say the least!

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So this time we decided to try and bring our black lab, Harley, along for the ride. He’s almost 8 years old but every bit a puppy. To say this was a recipe for disaster is an understatement! But we don’t just stop when things are tough…right?! So here is the ONE picture we got with him. HA!

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Our morning appointment got pushed out to late afternoon due to a downpour which was ok with me. These oddly warm October days weren’t ideal for our sweaters! I thought the rain would cool it down a bit but what we got was a tornado of humidity which basically reverses the 3 hours I spent on my hair and makeup! Damn you, weather!! And truth be told, I could have tried to lose a little bit of weight but as I’ve learned at 33….I am who I am and I’ve accomplished a ton regardless of how the outside of me looks. And most importantly, I’m loved just like this! For the first time ever, after seeing pictures of myself I literally didn’t care what I looked like! I am so in love with the family I’ve made!

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Moving on, The dog participated for a total of 30 seconds. Just long enough to get one picture! His “I was here” marked and that was the end of it! It was hot, we were dressed for the artic, and the twins were NOT having any of this picture taking nonsense.

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At some point instead of doing poses we did more lifestyle pictures and these turned out really good and captured us just as we are. Literally, the one where Landon is resting his head on my shoulder was when we were walking between spots and we were just casually chatting about sleep training or something like that.

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I’m just so pleased with how these turned out! I had to share with you all. Our photographer NAILED it! Can’t wait to go back to her again and again. Literally, makes me want to get our wedding pictures done again. Aka…excuse to buy another pretty dress! 🙂

Do you get yearly pictures done or your family? My bigger question is what do you do with all the blown up pictures from the years before? I don’t want our walls to be infested with our narcissistic selves! Thoughts? Suggestions?!

Cheers to being older and FINALLY having a good and confident self-image! Xoxoxoxo

Lions…Tigers…And…Birds! Oh My!

The weather has been top notch these past few days! The AC is officially off and my bank account is thanking us! Husband and I are known for our spontaneous decisions when it comes to the weekend. This one being no exception! 

Saturday was his birthday. The big 3-8!! Christ! Talk about the clock ticking. I’m 33 however, he and I both agree that having kids after 40 isn’t easy anymore. So time to get things moving and pop a few more out! STAT! Since we still have three baby chicks in the freezer just waiting for us to thaw them out, it’s pretty exciting to think about the near prospect of adding to our crazy life! 

Ok I got off on a little tangent there….

As I was saying…his birthday. Pretty low-key, we had friends over. We ate pulled pork and Mac & cheese (don’t judge…game day here!) and watched Michigan State crush Iowa. 


Sunday was gorgeous! One of those fall days that was crisp and cold in the morning and by the afternoon the wind was cool but the sun was out and was warm enough that we could get away with just long sleeve shirts and no sweaters. Randomly, after the boys woke up from their one and only nap we decided to screw cleaning the house or any of that nonsense and go to the zoo!!! 

Near us is a small zoo but still with some bigger animals in it which is exciting. So we packed up the kids in a whirlwind and off we went! 

They loved the sea otters and penguins. Weren’t too sure about monkeys at all. Those guys are scary…I agree. Lion was cool but I don’t think they understood he was real! Camels were of no interest. The Rhinos were great to see but instead of checking those out, sweet little Landon pointed out a bug walking on the fence instead. This is precisely why kids under 2 are free. 

The farmyard animals and the free roaming peacocks were the most exciting. As was the bird room filled with cockatoos and what have you. Which was fricking terrifying….its like walking into a trap. One where no one gets out without bird poop on their head! 


Anyways, it was fun and makes me excited for the days when they are older and we can go to the bigger zoos! They’ll appreciate it way more then! 

And as soon as we got home…mama cracked open a little pumpkin ale to round out the weekend. Hope you all had a good one too! Helllllloooo Fall, so could to see your sweet ass again!

Cheers!!! Xoxoxoxo

Finding The Light

The weather is finally cooler here in Michigan and my favorite season has begun! Bring on the candles, fluffy blankets, and fuzzy socks. This season gives me all sorts of renewed energy to hunker down and make the house homey. 


So as you all know I was suffering from depression since I was 30 weeks pregnant. Going on almost 2 years this December and I’ve been working diligently to find a way out. It’s been hard. It got to the point where some days I would just sit on the floor, turn the tv on, and let the chaos commence all around me. And other times I couldn’t find the patience for anything while the world seemed to unravel all around me. It was scary! I was easy to snap and didn’t feel like giving the boys the mommy snuggles they so desired. How awful right?! 


Many days I felt like such a failure! I dreamed of being a mom since ages. I went through in vitro just to fulfill that dream for Christ’s sake! I wanted this so why couldn’t I get a grip on this and be the mom I should be?! 


After a huge lab work up my doctor saw that my progesterone level was extremely low which wasn’t a shock considering I had the same issue during the fertility treatments. So she ordered me a cream to rub on my leg each day and the first few days were scary. I was aggressive and nauseous. Then a week went by and here I am…several weeks in and finally feel like a piece of me is back. 

I have the patience to make 3 meals a day, read books when they bring me piles of them to read, do fun learning and crafty things with them, clean the house, and my favorite bit…snuggle endlessly! Somehow it feels like everything slowed down finally. I can breathe again. Smile again. Laugh again. 


I’m hoping this leg cream was the fix. This would be the best thing to happen to me and my family in 2 years. Can such an easy thing fix me? Trying not to think about it and just accepting it for what it’s giving me right now! 

Keep fighting PPD, parents!!! There is a light in all of us! We just need to fix the igniter switch. 

Cheers, loves! Xoxoxoxox

A Feast For Four

Thanksgiving has always been one of my absolute favorite holidays. It’s the start of my favorite season. Halloween, which I’m not a fan of, has come and gone and then here we go with the transition from fall to winter. My absolute FAVORITE time of the year! Last year I was so massively pregnant and still had months to go but this year was so fun!

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Check out my morning hair!

Granted, I didn’t get to be with my family and haven’t been able to for years now since we’ve lived all over the place but this year I tried to make it as festive as I could with our little family. The boys also turned 9 months on Turkey Day! And they will be 10 months on Christmas Eve! How fun is that?!

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Excuse the chaotic mess everywhere!

The boys got to eat with us for the first time ever. All of us as a family. They got every bit of our Thanksgiving meal (minus that disgusting stuffing my husband makes with all the bits of the Turkey I usually chuck…heart…neck…liver…gag.) They loved it and I let them go ahead and make a mess and a mess they certainly made! But they looked so cute in their little “Gobble Till You Wobble” shirts.  I mean, who doesn’t love kids in ridiculous outfits.

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We went for our traditional family walk afterwards and just had a blast hanging out together. I made several different drinks for the “adults” to enjoy. Since there was only two of us we made sure to realllllly live it up! 🙂 Mamosas, Baileys, Cranberry Vodka drink. Mmhmm…..Felt GREAT the next morning. Yay, me.

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All in all, it was such a fun start to many years of traditions ahead. On the hard days I have this thing that I do where I look forward 25 years and think about all the kids coming home with their significant others and the house is loud and full of conversation and laughing. Watching our legacy unfold right in front of us. I literally just can not wait for those moments!

Well, crap. Getting all emotional over here with my sentimental thoughts. Stop that, Kaitlin! Pull yourself together, bitch tits!

We also split up the next day for Black Friday. The husband took Arjen (the blondie) to look for a pistol. Don’t ask….I’m not happy about it. And I took Landon (the brownie) to grab paint with me. Poor little Landon seemed to lost without his brother. He was just hanging on to dear life to his lovey bunny. Broke my heart since this was one of the first times he was without his brother! Then we met up with Daddy and Arjen at the sports bar down the road from our house and congratulated ourselves on a job well done! It’s hard work getting everyone together. Trust me.

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Missing his brother!

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The following day we decided that tradition is tradition and we would definitely be getting a Christmas tree this year even though we would be in Germany as of Christmas Eve. Thats ok though. So instead of going to a tree farm and spending $70 on a tree we grabbed on at Home Depot and its perfect! We love it and the babies love admiring all the lights! It does the job well! Also, I finally painted our bathroom. We’ve only been living in this house for 2 years and I painted most of it but this just had to be done as well. Ugly orange brown to a fresh new teal! Next up, complete renovation. New floors, new vanity, etc etc. Here we go!

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Before and After

All in all, it was a good weekend. And now we will start our detox until Germany since drinking tends to be the tradition over there. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Cheers!!! xoxoxo

How The Twins Came To Be

My husband and I tried for 7+ years to have a baby. We did everything. I took weird raspberry leaf tablets, I did acupuncture, we used those ovulation apps and tests, I did every test to make sure I was ok. They found out I had Endometriosis but nothing that would keep us from conceiving. My husband’s sperm count was low but not low enough to be concerned about. We were labeled with,quite frankly: Unknown Infertility.

What in the sam hell is unknown infertility?!? Shouldn’t we have some sort of closure as to why our baby making parts don’t work together to do the one main function they are supposed to do?!

We tried treatments in Germany…without success. Only heart break and absolute anxiety every time I had to wait for my period or take a pregnancy test. Germany wasn’t going to work for us any who. They treated me like a number and to be honest, their hospitals feel like a time trap in the 1970s.

Wake up back in America…ahh…the sweet smell of corn dogs, GMOs, and jelly fish flavored vodka. Life was finally feeling like we belonged again and instead of getting a job right away we decided I could try out a fertility clinic. And so I did.

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This place was PHENOMENAL! It was like a damn spa up in there. Trickling waterfalls in the waiting room with comfy chairs, couches, and fluffy pillows to boot! In the offices were warm purples, olive green, and mustards to soothe the eyes. On top of ALL of that, the doctor and nurses were a dream. Literally, they all became my friends. I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. It finally felt like it was meant to be. So going into this process I had nothing but happy and positive thoughts. Even if it failed, I knew that I was in the right place. That they would figure it all out and I would someway, somehow get my baby.

We did all the tests possible and even though I had Endometriosis, it wasn’t the cause. We more or less had unexplained infertility. Great. No explanation. IVF was our only option.

You would think my needle phobia would have subsided but it hasn’t in the slightest! Every night I took multiple shots and swallowed a million pills. Who knows what all this would do to my body in the years to come but so long I became a mother, I couldn’t care less!

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Egg collection day was pretty exciting! Besides the fact that I was totally famished and told the nurse in my drugged state to, “Get me pancakes, STAT!” and then proceeded to sing “The hills are allliiiiivvveeee with the souuunnddd of mussssiiicccc.” Yes…I’m a ridiculous drunk too. Surprised?

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So many eggs…BIG ones!

18 eggs removed…18 potential babies. All fertilized with by the husband and left in a lab to grow big and strong! At the end of 5 days we had 8 babies that were of good enough quality to proceed. We technically could have kept all 8 but we decided to take it a step further and I’ve never been so happy about a decision in my life. All embryos had a biopsy taken and this sample was sent off to a genetic testing lab to see if any had any horrible diseases. Trisomy, Edward’s Syndrome, Down Syndrome, etc etc. All of this was checked. Our top 3 embryos which were the strongest cell-wise were the sickest. These three would have been the first transfers had we not done the genetic testing. Each of these 3 had several different genetic issues. This means…I skipped 3 miscarriages, 3 stillbirths or a lifetime of caring for handicap children.

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Babies First Picture

We were left with 5 embryos. We knew the genders of all and chose two to be transferred. June 22nd, 2015 we did the transfer and I was ready to go! I dressed up pretty in order to make a good impression the first time I met my babies. We transferred two embryos in hopes that at least one would take.

June 27th, I took a home pregnancy test and there it was. Pregnant. For the first time in my life, I got to pee on a stick and got a positive result. I was in utter disbelief. It was this moment in life I had been strangely missing. I finally felt like many of my friends who had been there before me. Confirmed, twins were on the way!!!

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TWINS!!!

At 6 weeks I woke up to a bed full of blood and blood clots. I had lost my twins. I was utterly devastated as I called my doctor at 2am..crying…sobbing…unable to pick myself up off the floor.

The next morning we went in to see the damage on the ultrasound and for the first time, two little blobs appeared on the screen and two heartbeats racing. This was the first time I heard their hearts beating away and I was in total shock. Shaking, laughing, crying…not sure what the hell was going on! The ultrasound showed I had a very large blood clot that was threatening their lives. It was much bigger than both babies and as blood clots do they either absorb back into the body or they make their way out. If it tried to make its way out, it could potentially bring both babies with it. Horrified, I put myself on bed rest until 20 weeks pregnant. I had to save these babies.

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9 Weeks
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20 Weeks!

 

We knew we were having boys from the genetic test. We chose to have 2 boy embryos transferred.

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Many complications, extreme and debilitating nausea, I lost more weight than I put on, and many hospital stays later….I delivered my two humans at 38 weeks. These two humans made me a mom. Finally. 12801352_10156600194720593_5288981743254614147_n

Now, after reliving that…time for a drink! Is it too early?!!?

Cheers!