The Ketchup On My Sock

The finger prints on the fridge

The kiss marks on the windows 

They are real. 

The fruit snacks squished into the carpet

The veggie straws smashed into the vents

They are real.

The pitter-patter-thud of footsteps

The ketchup on my sock

They are real. 

One blonde, one brunette 

Two dreams come true at once

They are real. 

A little poem for these two baby birds 🙂 

How The Twins Came To Be

My husband and I tried for 7+ years to have a baby. We did everything. I took weird raspberry leaf tablets, I did acupuncture, we used those ovulation apps and tests, I did every test to make sure I was ok. They found out I had Endometriosis but nothing that would keep us from conceiving. My husband’s sperm count was low but not low enough to be concerned about. We were labeled with,quite frankly: Unknown Infertility.

What in the sam hell is unknown infertility?!? Shouldn’t we have some sort of closure as to why our baby making parts don’t work together to do the one main function they are supposed to do?!

We tried treatments in Germany…without success. Only heart break and absolute anxiety every time I had to wait for my period or take a pregnancy test. Germany wasn’t going to work for us any who. They treated me like a number and to be honest, their hospitals feel like a time trap in the 1970s.

Wake up back in America…ahh…the sweet smell of corn dogs, GMOs, and jelly fish flavored vodka. Life was finally feeling like we belonged again and instead of getting a job right away we decided I could try out a fertility clinic. And so I did.


This place was PHENOMENAL! It was like a damn spa up in there. Trickling waterfalls in the waiting room with comfy chairs, couches, and fluffy pillows to boot! In the offices were warm purples, olive green, and mustards to soothe the eyes. On top of ALL of that, the doctor and nurses were a dream. Literally, they all became my friends. I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. It finally felt like it was meant to be. So going into this process I had nothing but happy and positive thoughts. Even if it failed, I knew that I was in the right place. That they would figure it all out and I would someway, somehow get my baby.

We did all the tests possible and even though I had Endometriosis, it wasn’t the cause. We more or less had unexplained infertility. Great. No explanation. IVF was our only option.

You would think my needle phobia would have subsided but it hasn’t in the slightest! Every night I took multiple shots and swallowed a million pills. Who knows what all this would do to my body in the years to come but so long I became a mother, I couldn’t care less!


Egg collection day was pretty exciting! Besides the fact that I was totally famished and told the nurse in my drugged state to, “Get me pancakes, STAT!” and then proceeded to sing “The hills are allliiiiivvveeee with the souuunnddd of mussssiiicccc.” Yes…I’m a ridiculous drunk too. Surprised?

So many eggs…BIG ones!

18 eggs removed…18 potential babies. All fertilized with by the husband and left in a lab to grow big and strong! At the end of 5 days we had 8 babies that were of good enough quality to proceed. We technically could have kept all 8 but we decided to take it a step further and I’ve never been so happy about a decision in my life. All embryos had a biopsy taken and this sample was sent off to a genetic testing lab to see if any had any horrible diseases. Trisomy, Edward’s Syndrome, Down Syndrome, etc etc. All of this was checked. Our top 3 embryos which were the strongest cell-wise were the sickest. These three would have been the first transfers had we not done the genetic testing. Each of these 3 had several different genetic issues. This means…I skipped 3 miscarriages, 3 stillbirths or a lifetime of caring for handicap children.

Babies First Picture

We were left with 5 embryos. We knew the genders of all and chose two to be transferred. June 22nd, 2015 we did the transfer and I was ready to go! I dressed up pretty in order to make a good impression the first time I met my babies. We transferred two embryos in hopes that at least one would take.

June 27th, I took a home pregnancy test and there it was. Pregnant. For the first time in my life, I got to pee on a stick and got a positive result. I was in utter disbelief. It was this moment in life I had been strangely missing. I finally felt like many of my friends who had been there before me. Confirmed, twins were on the way!!!



At 6 weeks I woke up to a bed full of blood and blood clots. I had lost my twins. I was utterly devastated as I called my doctor at 2am..crying…sobbing…unable to pick myself up off the floor.

The next morning we went in to see the damage on the ultrasound and for the first time, two little blobs appeared on the screen and two heartbeats racing. This was the first time I heard their hearts beating away and I was in total shock. Shaking, laughing, crying…not sure what the hell was going on! The ultrasound showed I had a very large blood clot that was threatening their lives. It was much bigger than both babies and as blood clots do they either absorb back into the body or they make their way out. If it tried to make its way out, it could potentially bring both babies with it. Horrified, I put myself on bed rest until 20 weeks pregnant. I had to save these babies.

9 Weeks
20 Weeks!


We knew we were having boys from the genetic test. We chose to have 2 boy embryos transferred.


Many complications, extreme and debilitating nausea, I lost more weight than I put on, and many hospital stays later….I delivered my two humans at 38 weeks. These two humans made me a mom. Finally. 12801352_10156600194720593_5288981743254614147_n

Now, after reliving that…time for a drink! Is it too early?!!?