So Long, Summer

Even though I hate the heat and it makes me cranky I did have a very successful summer in terms of making memories or the boys. We did two family vacations with the little shits. One with my family in Western NY and the second with hub’s parents, when they visited from Germany, near Lake Michigan (Michigan side.) 

Gone are the days of actual vacations where I used to lay on a hammock, read a whole book, and sleep in. We have now come into this very different time in our lives where we now wake up early, chase mini drunk versions of ourselves, and fall asleep early because it’s exhausting watching your kids in a place that isn’t baby-proof!! 

So a little glimpse back into the fiery hot days of summer as we start dusting off our favorite comfy sweaters. Another season over and on to the next one!

My family vacation in western NY 🙂  We rented this adorable little cottage right on a lake. My parents, my brother and his wife and two boys joined us! House full of love! 

Our vacation lake house with the German in-laws! This was an hour from our house but was nice to unplug! 


It’s just a trip nowadays not a vacation. I decided I can’t go into this expecting that I’ll  actually get a day off. That’s just unrealistic! But I did consider it as good memories for the boys and that made all the difference! 

Cheers, Summer!! Now give me cozy sweaters, pumpkin everything, and warm fires! xoxoxoxo 

Lions…Tigers…And…Birds! Oh My!

The weather has been top notch these past few days! The AC is officially off and my bank account is thanking us! Husband and I are known for our spontaneous decisions when it comes to the weekend. This one being no exception! 

Saturday was his birthday. The big 3-8!! Christ! Talk about the clock ticking. I’m 33 however, he and I both agree that having kids after 40 isn’t easy anymore. So time to get things moving and pop a few more out! STAT! Since we still have three baby chicks in the freezer just waiting for us to thaw them out, it’s pretty exciting to think about the near prospect of adding to our crazy life! 

Ok I got off on a little tangent there….

As I was saying…his birthday. Pretty low-key, we had friends over. We ate pulled pork and Mac & cheese (don’t judge…game day here!) and watched Michigan State crush Iowa. 


Sunday was gorgeous! One of those fall days that was crisp and cold in the morning and by the afternoon the wind was cool but the sun was out and was warm enough that we could get away with just long sleeve shirts and no sweaters. Randomly, after the boys woke up from their one and only nap we decided to screw cleaning the house or any of that nonsense and go to the zoo!!! 

Near us is a small zoo but still with some bigger animals in it which is exciting. So we packed up the kids in a whirlwind and off we went! 

They loved the sea otters and penguins. Weren’t too sure about monkeys at all. Those guys are scary…I agree. Lion was cool but I don’t think they understood he was real! Camels were of no interest. The Rhinos were great to see but instead of checking those out, sweet little Landon pointed out a bug walking on the fence instead. This is precisely why kids under 2 are free. 

The farmyard animals and the free roaming peacocks were the most exciting. As was the bird room filled with cockatoos and what have you. Which was fricking terrifying….its like walking into a trap. One where no one gets out without bird poop on their head! 


Anyways, it was fun and makes me excited for the days when they are older and we can go to the bigger zoos! They’ll appreciate it way more then! 

And as soon as we got home…mama cracked open a little pumpkin ale to round out the weekend. Hope you all had a good one too! Helllllloooo Fall, so could to see your sweet ass again!

Cheers!!! Xoxoxoxo

Finding The Light

The weather is finally cooler here in Michigan and my favorite season has begun! Bring on the candles, fluffy blankets, and fuzzy socks. This season gives me all sorts of renewed energy to hunker down and make the house homey. 


So as you all know I was suffering from depression since I was 30 weeks pregnant. Going on almost 2 years this December and I’ve been working diligently to find a way out. It’s been hard. It got to the point where some days I would just sit on the floor, turn the tv on, and let the chaos commence all around me. And other times I couldn’t find the patience for anything while the world seemed to unravel all around me. It was scary! I was easy to snap and didn’t feel like giving the boys the mommy snuggles they so desired. How awful right?! 


Many days I felt like such a failure! I dreamed of being a mom since ages. I went through in vitro just to fulfill that dream for Christ’s sake! I wanted this so why couldn’t I get a grip on this and be the mom I should be?! 


After a huge lab work up my doctor saw that my progesterone level was extremely low which wasn’t a shock considering I had the same issue during the fertility treatments. So she ordered me a cream to rub on my leg each day and the first few days were scary. I was aggressive and nauseous. Then a week went by and here I am…several weeks in and finally feel like a piece of me is back. 

I have the patience to make 3 meals a day, read books when they bring me piles of them to read, do fun learning and crafty things with them, clean the house, and my favorite bit…snuggle endlessly! Somehow it feels like everything slowed down finally. I can breathe again. Smile again. Laugh again. 


I’m hoping this leg cream was the fix. This would be the best thing to happen to me and my family in 2 years. Can such an easy thing fix me? Trying not to think about it and just accepting it for what it’s giving me right now! 

Keep fighting PPD, parents!!! There is a light in all of us! We just need to fix the igniter switch. 

Cheers, loves! Xoxoxoxox

An Early American Christmas

Two more days and we will be taking our tired asses to Germany! Myself and Landon have come down with the common cold. Our first ever! We survived 10 months without any sickness, I’d say that’s pretty impressive!

Also, Christmas is a HUGE deal for me and this is only my second Christmas spent in Germany even though I lived there for 4 years. I always swindled my way back home to the states. So, we will see how this goes. But I think it will be great.

The husband’s grandmother is 92 years old and Christmas Eve is her thing. Everyone goes over and sets up the tree, lights real (yes…REAL!) candles and sits around and drinks and sings all night long. Lord help me!

While we are there my brother-in-law will be getting married. They get married twice over there. It’s recognized by the state (think town hall ordeal) and then they have the church wedding as well, which for these guys will be in May. Another trip once the boys are over a year old..again..help me! lol. Then after New Years we are headed to a spa hotel in the Alps to live out the rest of our trip. I’m HOPING for a nice break! You’ll find me naked in the sauna. Yes…naked. Lots of nakeds in there.

Anywho…we had a little Christmas here for the boys since there is no way on Gods green earth I was carting all that crap to Germany with us. They got a wagon from Grandma and Grandpa and a few other toys. Books and bath toys from mom and dad. All in all a good day I think! It wasn’t nearly as exciting as Christmases past have been but its a start into tradition!

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I got the husband this nice sentimental gift of his hometown in Germany. It’s Map Art that was made on minted.com. He cried when he opened it and realized what it was! So sweet! Momma did good this year 🙂

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Of course bows and wrapping paper was more exciting for the little turds but all is well! Santa came to the US and now we can head off to Germany!

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Cheers!!!

 

 

The Most Intense Love

Ask a mom what the love between her and her child feels like. She’ll probably have a hard time answering because its something shes never felt before. Unless of course, she instead, takes a look back on her days with Pablo on the beaches in Spain.

*We interrupt this message with a moment in thought*

Ok..I’m back! Whew…bucket of ice, please! Let me ALS challenge this dream right out of my head.

The truth about the love you feel comes from determination, defeat and determination once again. When I first met the boys I didn’t feel anything instantaneously because my body was just shocked and awakened from its overly large egg shaped life it just lived in. The egg was hatched and I was handed not one but two little shits with mouths wide opened.

Who.What.When.Where. How. Take them back for a second so I can wrap my head around all this.

It took me many months to fall intensely in love with them. It came from not giving up, hating life, wanting to walk out and never come back, and then the determination to survive and provide them the best that life can give. It was a big struggle for me since I had postpartum depression which actually started before their birth at about 30 weeks. Christmas was rough those months before they came. Shocking, I know. How can Christmas be anything but joyous?!

So, looking at them today… the hard days of newborns are past us (PRAISE BABY JESUS) and as I type one of them is fussing around in his crib because he decided a 30 minute nap was good enough (seriously, dude?!). They are part of me. They are the recipe I cooked up for 8+ months and now as I look at them they look like me or bits of me. Twins are no joke. It is SO hard. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Imagine working 24/7, never a break, never a vacation, no more time for yourself. It literally consumes you when you decided to be a mom and then a stay at home mom on top of that. Phew…HARD WORK.

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One of my finer moments…3 weeks after birth and trying to have a glass of wine. One sip, and done! Pretty, aren’t I? lol

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But this is all why I’ve finally come back to my love of alcohol. I swore during my pregnancy I would never drink again since the idea of it made me want to vomit. That took a good 5 months after their birth to come back to me but its back and with a vengeance!

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Speaking of vengeance…this kid (the blondie) needs to go back to sleep. Up I go to try to coerce him!

Is 9:30am too early to start drinking? What about just a little bit of whiskey in the coffee? Wrong?

Cheers!!!!

 

 

A Weekend Without Worry

My parents came to visit this past week (hence the radio silence from me! oops!) I was just busy trying to soak it all up and not waste a single second with them since I believe this may be the last time I see them until later into next year. Crazy that I lived in Germany, a 9 hour flight away and now I’m a 9 hour drive away. At this rate I feel like I’ll never get back “home.”

Nonetheless, the help was great and having my parents here really just made the world seem a little bit easier to deal with! Extra hands…you know all that…lad-dee-da. I realize I have an actual issue when it comes to just letting someone else help or take over. Not that I’m a helicopter mom because I am not in the slightest…but I am literally doing EVERY.THING. alone. I have no family here. The “friends” I met who said they would come around suddenly didn’t. And the husband works all day. So, it is me 100% of the time and letting even someone I love and trust like my mom take over a feeding, I found myself somewhat hovering because I wanted to make sure it was done like I do it. Does that make me a complete jerk? But then I finally let loose and did my best to let everyone do their thing!

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We had a good but very short weekend with them. They got in Friday night and left early Monday morning. So a little over 48 hours and it was all over. WAH.

As soon as my mom came in she went straight for the babies (I was in the middle of bath time chaos) and she just scooped up a baby and my heart literally melted into pieces. It was like I got a glimpse of how she was with me as a baby. And seeing your parents be so sweet to your own children…it’s like your heart and feelings come full circle.

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Whoa…got a little misty eyed on that last bit. Continuing on!

Trying to keep things jolly and festive we decided to go to a cider mill one afternoon and you all know that going anywhere with twins is not only a spectacle but a damn nuisance! I’m not sure why I talk myself into doing this stuff but I did. We got there and it was line after line just to get some dry ass donuts and cider. LAWD…I had no strength for the thousands of people there.

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Oh and strollers (especially our massive double stroller) were not allowed in any of the buildings. Lame-o. So, we were constantly trying to finagle that one person stay outside with the babies in the cold wind and everyone else can go in to the different buildings to wait in stupid long ass lines for nothing spectacular. Yeah…I’m angry.  Try and get two babies out of a stroller, park it, and carry them around in crowds of thousands of annoying people. Negative.

Anyways, this morning they said their goodbyes and my heart hurt as I waved to my mom (and she waved back) until they were down the street and turned the corner. I miss her. I miss them. DRASTICALLY. Funny how the second I moved out I’ve been wanting nothing but to move back in since!

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So, I’m sitting here drowning my sorrows in a glass of good old Scotch…and about to watch the movie, “Girl On The Train.”

Cheers, friends!!